After a series of disappointments in NYC, I've decided to travel and get some clarity. First stop: LA! My long-time friend picked me up at LAX and welcomed me to the City of Angels. Though I hadn't slept more than three hours, my friend already had the whole day planned! First, we did a little shopping. Actually, she did some shopping while my broke-ass watched. Next, we went to Venice Beach to people-watch. The scent of marijuana permeated the promenade as homeless-looking people held up signs for free medical marijuana evaluations. I was torn between going for the exam or next door to Botox on the Beach. I decided on neither when a toothless beggar asked me for pot and an over-processed, expressionless plastic woman glared at me as she exited the botulism clinic. (I think she may have been smiling, but couldn't move the paralyzed muscles in her face.)
 
Anyway, we had to get ready for the roller derby! I was super stoked on seeing some bad-ass chicks kick ass on wheels, but had no idea that the LA Derby Dolls would change my life! Maybe it was the roller skate shaped disco ball, or the jet lag or the beer, but I decided that I want to get full-sleeve tattoos and join the roller derby. My derby name would be "Mariah Scary" and my friend chose "Naughty Nurse" since she's an RN. When Naughty Nurse and I got back to her apartment, we watched a movie about roller derby, called "Whip It". Despite the lack of a single slingshot or GLOW-like wrestling moves, the movie rocked. If that tiny little Ellen Page can become a derby star, so can I!

I did a little research and discovered Gotham Girls roller derby league in NYC! Try-outs were scheduled for the following weekend! This did not leave me much time to train for my new career. Oddly, Naughty Nurse had a pair of roller skates in her closet. (I think she has been secretly training for months.) Although I had every intention of practicing daily, I never actually put the skates on my feet. However, I am confident that the roller skating skills I acquired in the late 80's are still strong. I was also the mudwrestling champion of Club Med Huatulco 1999, and shaved my head when I was 24. My general bad-assness and junior high school skating background should be enough to earn me a spot on the team, I think.

Today is try-outs! Unfortunately, I can't make it because I'm still out-of-town. Waaaaah! I'm hoping to convince the league to let me try-out when I get back to NYC next week. If I make it, you're all invited to my first match!  

By the way, I need skates, helmet, and pads to try out. If you would like to help me make a huge fool of myself, please donate to my Paypal account or send me some gear. Thanks!
:)