I don't even know where to begin! I suppose I will start with when I woke up-- or was awaken, rather.

At approximately 5am, I sprung out of bed when I heard the crashing of pots and pans, yelling, and commotion. I opened my bedroom door to find Crazy screaming and trying to break up a full-blown brawl between her loser-thug-drugdealer-boyfriend and two guys I had never seen before. There was blood everywhere, and one of the guys had a bloody mouth and skull. I screamed for them to stop and get out! I was scared, shaking, and started to yell for my other roommate, Cool Guy, when he burst out of his room and stepped in to intervene. Just as things appeared to be settling down, Crazy's coked-out boyfriend grabbed a metal weight and continued to pursue one of the strangers. Finally, Cool Guy was able to get the strangers out. But, Loser Thug Boyfriend attempted to go after them. While I was thrilled that he was trying to leave the apartment, Cool Guy and Crazy tried to get him to relax inside for a couple of minutes, to allow the strangers sufficient time to take the elevator downstairs and exit the building without further incident. However, the coked-out thug busted out and the fight continued in the hall.

Panicked, I called my police officer friend to explain the situation and get advice. While on the phone with him, the police arrived. Apparently, several neighbors had already called 9-1-1. But by the time they got to the apartment, Crazy had already frantically scrubbed and bleached any evidence of blood, hid or disposed of any drugs, and barricaded herself in her room. (In the madness, her frightened little pooch defecated in Cool Guy's room-- in which Cool Guy later stepped.)

Cool Guy and I told the police what had happened and informed them of Crazy's drug habit and her drug dealer boyfriend's occupation. (I told them to read my blogs for more detail; they did not seem entertained by my suggestion.) After getting our version of the events, the police asked to speak to Crazy--who was still hiding in her room. Crazy threatened to sue the officers if they did not leave, since they didn't have a search warrant. When they informed her that Cool Guy and I had given our permission for them to be there, Crazy asked us to instruct the officers to leave. As if we would stick up for her after she put us in this terrifying situation!

I tried to reason with the psycho and explained, "They just want to know what happened. And since we were sleeping when the fight broke out, we don't know how it started. You were there which is why they want to talk to you. Just tell them what happened!" After 20 minutes of failed negotiation, Crazy finally agreed to talk to the officers, but asked if they could speak outside so she could smoke a cigarette. 

In the hallway, Cool Guy and I ran into one of the strangers that was involved in the altercation. He told us that he had just met Crazy the week before at a local pub. The stranger said that he and his friend came over for what he thought was a booty call. Apparently, Loser Thug Boyfriend didn't like that. Thus, the altercation ensued. The stranger also informed me that he had slept in my room when I was in Aspen last week. He laughed and told me that my bed was very comfortable. What a bitch-- letting a stranger use my room when I specifically told her not give access to anyone! And then she made up a story that she had used my room because she got into a fight with her loser boyfriend. What a liar!

After the cops left, I walked Cool Guy to the hospital-- where he received seven stitches in his chin for a cut he had gotten while trying to break up the fight. Upon our return, we informed Crazy to start packing. We also informed the front desk to call 9-1-1 if she or her loser boyfriend attempt to enter the building, and requested that our locks be changed.

We later learned from the stranger who slept in my room that he is a publicist, and will be attending UCLA law school in the fall. He actually seemed somewhat intelligent. Obviously, he wasn't aware that he was getting involved with a lunatic. Furthermore, he told us that he gave Crazy $200. He asked to speak with her to attempt to retrieve the money. Not only did he get his $200 back, but he told us that Crazy apologized and gave him a little extra... (Hint: It starts with a "b" and rhymes with "low job".)

* If you enjoy reading about my crazy adventures, feel free to help me pay for rent and dance classes by clicking on the Paypal "Donate" button on my home page. Love you!  : )