The Odds Are Good, But The Goods Are Odd
Posted by Rachel Scott on Thursday, July 8, 2010
Under: Boys and Dating
In Colorado, us girls have a saying: The odds are good, but the goods are odd. Basically, there's a lot of men in Colorado. But, most of them are ski bums who smoke pot all day and don't have a career or ambition. Let me give you some examples of dating experiences that I've had in Colorado. Hmmm... where shall I begin?
1. "Chef" was very cute, and totally into me. Unfortunately he was more into booze, pot, and psychedelic mushrooms. Before I realized the extent of his bad habits, we shared some great dates. He always told me that I was "fantastic" and complimented me endlessly. Anyway, he dumped me when he was wasted at a bar, without explanation. When I saw him two weeks later, I told him that I thought he had made a mistake. But, he confirmed that there was no way we would get back together. So, I moved on. A few weeks later, he told me he was wrong and asked me for a second chance. Like an idiot, I took him back only to be dumped again when he found out that I hooked up with someone else while we were broken-up.
Lesson for Chef: Don't dump a girl and expect her to just sit by the phone and wait for your call.
Lesson for me: Discretion doesn't exist in a small town.
2. "Lake Powell Guy" was a nerdy and probably bi-sexual jerk-off. We were a fairly new couple when heinvited begged me to come to Lake Powell. Since his friends were all going, I invited one of my friends to keep me company. And thank God I did because I had her support when I found out that he was banging a married woman who was there without her husband. My friend and I hitchhiked from Utah back to Colorado in the cramped backseat of a Z24 with a couple of really nice, pimple-faced, chain-smoking, music-blasting teenage boys. A week or so later, Lake Powell Guy called to let me know how much money I owed for my portion of the trip. I told him I'd pay if he gave me back the time I wasted with him.
Lesson for Lake Powell Guy: Don't be a dick and expect to get paid.
Lesson for me: Don't date a guy who has a belly button ring and watches Gossip Girl.
3. "High-5" was a tall, dark, and handsome 38-year-old douche bag who still thinks he's in college. During the time we were seeing each other, I saw him schmoozing some cougars over a bottle of champagne. When I approached to greet him, he gave me a high-five, as opposed to his usual hug or kiss on the cheek. "Did you just high-five me?!" I asked in disbelief. He may as well have slapped me in the face. He also left without even saying "bye." So, I stopped taking his calls. I later learned that he was having sex with the town whore. He denied it, even calling me crazy for making the accusation. He tried really hard to convince me that I was wrong. But he was totally busted.
Lesson for High 5: Acting like a frat boy isn't cute, especially when college was 20-years ago.
Lesson for me: Age is not directly related to maturity.
4. "Jackass Moron" is probably the biggest loser of the bunch. He was a tall, cute, blonde-haired, blue-eyed alcoholic psycho. He would get so drunk that he couldn't even walk. He would talk about his father's death (which was 10+ years ago), cry, and make up stories to gain sympathy. My favorite story is that he was gravely ill and probably wouldn't live long. Once he sobered up, I told him what he had said and he laughed.
Jackass Moron also had body issues and never took off his shirt. When I really wanted to piss him off, I told him he had "man boobs". It totally worked! Haha! Anyway, I finally decided to stop speaking to him after he kicked me out of his house during a snowstorm at 4am. Although I told him to delete my number, he called and texted me nearly everyday for at least four months.
Lesson for Jackass Moron: You're not as cute as you think you are.
Lesson for me: Being a bitch to a guy who deserves it is fun!
Although I've had my share of dating disasters in Aspen, I look forward to blogging about new losers that I will probably meet here in NYC. Unfortunately, I hear that the statistics for single women in NY are much less optimistic than CO. Oh boy!
1. "Chef" was very cute, and totally into me. Unfortunately he was more into booze, pot, and psychedelic mushrooms. Before I realized the extent of his bad habits, we shared some great dates. He always told me that I was "fantastic" and complimented me endlessly. Anyway, he dumped me when he was wasted at a bar, without explanation. When I saw him two weeks later, I told him that I thought he had made a mistake. But, he confirmed that there was no way we would get back together. So, I moved on. A few weeks later, he told me he was wrong and asked me for a second chance. Like an idiot, I took him back only to be dumped again when he found out that I hooked up with someone else while we were broken-up.
Lesson for Chef: Don't dump a girl and expect her to just sit by the phone and wait for your call.
Lesson for me: Discretion doesn't exist in a small town.
2. "Lake Powell Guy" was a nerdy and probably bi-sexual jerk-off. We were a fairly new couple when he
Lesson for Lake Powell Guy: Don't be a dick and expect to get paid.
Lesson for me: Don't date a guy who has a belly button ring and watches Gossip Girl.
3. "High-5" was a tall, dark, and handsome 38-year-old douche bag who still thinks he's in college. During the time we were seeing each other, I saw him schmoozing some cougars over a bottle of champagne. When I approached to greet him, he gave me a high-five, as opposed to his usual hug or kiss on the cheek. "Did you just high-five me?!" I asked in disbelief. He may as well have slapped me in the face. He also left without even saying "bye." So, I stopped taking his calls. I later learned that he was having sex with the town whore. He denied it, even calling me crazy for making the accusation. He tried really hard to convince me that I was wrong. But he was totally busted.
Lesson for High 5: Acting like a frat boy isn't cute, especially when college was 20-years ago.
Lesson for me: Age is not directly related to maturity.
4. "Jackass Moron" is probably the biggest loser of the bunch. He was a tall, cute, blonde-haired, blue-eyed alcoholic psycho. He would get so drunk that he couldn't even walk. He would talk about his father's death (which was 10+ years ago), cry, and make up stories to gain sympathy. My favorite story is that he was gravely ill and probably wouldn't live long. Once he sobered up, I told him what he had said and he laughed.
Jackass Moron also had body issues and never took off his shirt. When I really wanted to piss him off, I told him he had "man boobs". It totally worked! Haha! Anyway, I finally decided to stop speaking to him after he kicked me out of his house during a snowstorm at 4am. Although I told him to delete my number, he called and texted me nearly everyday for at least four months.
Lesson for Jackass Moron: You're not as cute as you think you are.
Lesson for me: Being a bitch to a guy who deserves it is fun!
Although I've had my share of dating disasters in Aspen, I look forward to blogging about new losers that I will probably meet here in NYC. Unfortunately, I hear that the statistics for single women in NY are much less optimistic than CO. Oh boy!
In : Boys and Dating