During my last visit to Aspen, I was minding my own business, surfing the web on my laptop at a local coffee shop, when an older gentleman asked me which network to use for internet service.  I told him, and engaged in some small talk. It turns out, he's a physics professor at Yale, and was visiting Aspen for an annual physics convention.  He has a post-doctorate degree and is obviously way more cerebral than me. Although I was not attracted to this person in any capacity, I was curious to see if I could carry on a conversation with a genius. I think he dumbed down for me because I only spaced out a few times.

When he invited me to lunch the next day, I agreed. I figured it was harmless since he was just visiting and I would probably never see him again. I met him at a popular bistro with outdoor seating for a somewhat uneventful ninety minutes. At the end of the meal, he invited me to see Carmen at the Wheeler Opera House later that week. Unfortunately, I wasn't available. And, I didn't see him again.

I returned to New York and forgot all about the professor. Then last week, I received a message from him, stating that he would be in the city and would like to meet for a late lunch around 3pm. It seemed harmless enough, so I agreed. He later changed it to dinner at 7pm. Uh oh... is this a date? I decided that it wasn't, and agreed to go. We went to Little Italy, where we enjoyed authenitic Italian cuisine at a restaurant owned by a spunky little old woman with a thick Italian accent. "Awelcom ato mya restaurantay!"

Everything was fine until after the appetizer, when the professor told me that I looked "sexy". Eeew! The realization that he looked at me in this manner was extremely discomforting. I dismissed the comment and supressed it until he complimented my antique bracelet and touched my hand for way too long. I was completely repulsed and deliberately kept my hands in my lap for the rest of dinner to avoid further hand molestation. When the bill came, I offered to pay my share so that the professor wouldn't assume that we were on a date. But, he insisted on paying. And I am in no position to turn away a free meal!  

As we walked down the street, the professor put his hand around my waist. I immediately recoiled and bid him a goodnight with a quick hug. I made sure to turn my head to avoid an awkward kiss attempt-- which would have certainly caused me to vomit at least a little bit. Since I didn't have any mints on me, this wasn't an option. So, I turned my head around farther than the possessed girl in The Exorcist.

Aside from his ear hair, bushy gray eyebrows, yellow teeth, horrible sense of style, and frail physique, I guess he's a good catch. He's on tenure at Yale, owns a house in Greenwich, just a bought a new Beemer, and is obviously intelligent. Actually, he's PERFECT... for my mother! (And he's Jewish, Mom! Let me know if you want his number.)