blog

I'm Baa-aack!

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 08:57:36 +0100

After a six month hiatus, a friend has convinced me to reinstate my blogs with a few drunken words of encouragement. I don't know whether I should be flattered or offended by her laughter about my life chronicles. But I figure, if you can't laugh at yourself... I don't know how to finish this sentence but anyway... Not much has changed over these last six months; I'm still single, though I have had several new inadequate suitors. I've also dealt with more interesting NYC living situations. To summarize: SuperTard knocked up his desperate (and much older) girlfriend within two months of meeting her. After less than one year after meeting, they are married with a child. SuperTard is now a legal US resident and the country is stuck with his crazy ass for the long haul. Needless to say, SuperTard is no longer my roommate. And for the first time, I can happily announce that I have a great roommate who is a fellow graduate student at NYU. We are both dance education students and she is super sweet. But I'm sure you don't want to hear about my normalcies so I will continue with a synopsis of my dating life: (pause) Sigh! ... Well that about sums it up! On a positive note, I received full marks (4.0) after my first semester of grad school! Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be enough to merit a scholarship at NYU... cheap bastards! I'm pretty sore about it so may cut back to part-time and work full-time to avoid ridiculous student debt. Sooooo frustrating!!!!!

POF Experiment: The Conclusion

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 16:44:32 +0100

Last year, I began an experiment to explore the world of online dating via a free website called Plenty of Fish. My plan was to go on 10 dates--with 10 different men--to determine whether the douche bags I meet organically are more or less douchy than those online. After ten dates, I've come to the conclusion that douchebags are omnipresent. However, the douchbags I meet organically are much more attractive than the douchebags I've met through POF.

As a matter of fact, I recently rejected the advances of a 26 year-old smokin' hot friend-of-a-friend who just so happened to be featured in Time Out magazine as one of Manhattan's hottest bachelors. (Okay I made out with him but you would too if you saw how hot he was.) I met him and other hotties in-person, while those I met online were sub-par. So, I've concluded that I am indeed too good for online dating.

I've also concluded that most men on POF are delusional. They seem to think they are much more attractive than they really are, as well as overrate their dull or annoying personalities. Most also lack basic social skills. I estimate that most others on POF join because they lack physical attraction, personality, and/or social skills. I'm sure there are exceptions, but these are my estimations based on my experience.

Although I finished the experiment, I've kept my account open to boost my ego. I like waking up in the morning to love letters from nerds. However, a recent discovery has opened my eyes to a new purpose for keeping my account open. Allow me to explain: I had correspondences with a man whose pseudonym was Clark Kent. Physically, he actually did seem to resemble Superman's alter ego, glasses and all. His profile stated that he had good intentions and was looking for a nice woman for a relationship. For a couple of weeks, we had seemingly normal email exchanges involving small talk and jokes. Then, I discovered his dirty little secret... He really did have an alter ego! I came across his second profile where he stated that he was looking for sexual encounters. He graphically explained what he would like to do on a date, and posted shirtless photos that were much more provocative than those in his other profile. I called him out on it, and told him he was deceitful because one of those profiles misrepresented his intentions. He got defensive because he was totally busted. I subsequently blocked him.

This experience made me wonder: how many other men on this site are misrepresenting themselves? I was curious to see if other men who claim to be looking for relationships were really just trying to get laid. So, I set up a decoy account. I posted a photo of a cute young blonde and claimed to be a 21 year-old college student seeking "an older man who knows how to satisfy a woman." For date suggestions, I wrote, "your place or mine? ;)" I'm curious to see who responds. I'm also keeping my real profile open, to see if I get any guys who reply to both profiles--to catch any perverts and liars on POF. I also added a very important stipulation--that anyone who replies must be hot! "I'm really hot, and you must be too. I will not reply if you are fat or ugly," I wrote. This is a test of the male ego. I want to see just how many physically repulsive guys really think that they're hot. My prediction: there are a lot of disillusioned pervs on POF.

Jersey Shore Invades Hamptons

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 00:38:47 +0100

This past weekend in the Hamptons was... interesting, to say the least. Some friends and I decided to rent a 'house share' for 4th of July weekend. A house share involves multiple groups and individuals that rent a big house to share. (Think adult co-ed frat house.) Shares are quite common in the Hamptons and I was thrilled to find one at the last minute. I met the woman who arranged the rental. She is about my age, has a grown-up job at S&P, and seemed to be mature and fun. In addition to me and my three friends, she informed me that the house would be occupied by her and her friend, as well as a few of their cute guy friends. Perfect!

When my friends and I arrived, we caught a glimpse of the hotties, who were headed out to the store. We briefly introduced ourselves before they left. Little did we know, that would be our only interaction with them. The next time we saw them is when they came to pick up their stuff after getting kicked out by a psycho, naked, evil munchkin. (I'll explain later.)

The four of us were led to our room and were shocked to find only three small twin beds (one of which was an air mattress) crammed into a tiny room.
Me: Umm... I thought you said the room had FOUR beds.
Lady: Yeah but I gave that room to the guys 'cuz there's more of them coming than I had thought.
Me: Well I paid for that room, so either you need to refund the money or give us adequate accommodation.
Lady: Okay, I'll just tell the boys to switch rooms since they have only three tonight. Plus, they haven't even paid me yet.

What a moron! I thought to myself. Why would she give the room that I paid for to a group of three guys who hadn't even paid?!

Anyway, the lady's evil munchkin friend called the boys to let them know about the change. Apparently, they started to complain about the house and said that they didn't want to pay to stay there. As a result, the evil munchkin stormed out of her room in nothing but a towel, and threw all of their things into the driveway as she cursed them out over the phone. From what I could gather, the boys attempted to rectify the situation but evil naked munchkin told them that they were no longer welcome.

After the extremely uncomfortable confrontation, my friends and I moved into the much bigger room that we should have had in the first place. After that, the house was more like a Jersey Shore hostel than a Hamptons summer house. On our second day, four annoying drunken girls arrived. A few hours later, three Pauly D look-a-likes and a blonde version of Snooky showed up at our barbeque. They said they were the neighbors but later confessed that they were also staying at the house. I was a bit confused because there was no space for them.

Later, I walked into the living room to find an erected tent where one of the Pauly Ds and blonde Snooky were getting busy as the other two Pauly Ds passed out on the two couches. Appalled, my friends and I packed up and left a day early.

Did I mention that the shower door was broken and I had to yell to my friends to help open it? It took three of us to pry the door off the hinges as I stood there wet and naked... good times!

We all agreed: Next time we're renting the entire house! No more house shares!!!!

Chi-town

Mon, 04 Jul 2011 07:17:18 +0100

I recently came back from an amazing trip to Chicago! I met my adorable little nephew, met up with friends from high school, and even had a sleepover with my elementary school best friend! I forgot how hot Chicago guys are too! I may need to move back there at some point... just sayin'.

POF #10

Mon, 04 Jul 2011 07:11:56 +0100

I finally did it! I completed The POF Experiment! I went on ten dates with ten different losers that I met on a lame dating website, "Plenty of Fish". It only took me a year...

I met CT at The Empire State Building on a rainy Saturday afternoon. He had tickets for the Skyride at the Empire State Building, which was pretty fun. We were guided into a roller coaster-like ride that simulated an exciting guided tour of New York City. Since bad weather and zero visibility prevented us from enjoying the views from the observatory, we walked to a nearby pub for Sangria. We sat at the bar, facing a television that was showing a disturbing and violent MMA fight. Another TV showed a golf tournament and another played clips of people being trampled during The Running of The Bulls. All three options were completely unappealing, which meant that I needed to find something else to discuss.

I found myself manipulating the conversation, but not by choice. I tried to engage him in conversation. More than once, I said, "Let's talk about you!" He replied, "No, no. That's okay." It was pretty annoying. I didn't have much to say since I basically was having a conversation with myself.

It's unfortunate that my date had no style because he's a pretty good-looking guy. Behind the tapered jeans, white sneakers, Bart Simpson haircut, and cell-phone case clipped to his waistband, the guy had a very nice smile and pretty eyes. Though I wouldn't be surprised if he rocked a fanny pack once in a while, he had a pretty nice bod. He definitely hits the gym way more often than me.

After two glasses of sangria, I was imagining my date naked. Of course I would never go home with a bad dresser, but I did have dirty thoughts about him for some odd reason. It must have been the camel toe that drove my attention toward his package (thus the nickname CT). Anyway, we went our separate ways and a week or so later, he sent me a message (that included images of roses and a teddy bear) to inform me that he was leaving the website. The end.

The conclusion of the POF Experiment is 0 for 10. Although I didn't meet anyone that I cared to see again, I had some fun dates. So, I'm not sure I'm ready to close my account just yet. Nor am I rushing to set up date #11.

SuperTard

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 07:11:49 +0100

I just drank a bottle of wine and have been staring at the computer screen for ten minutes. (Deep breath.) ...I can't believe how many morons habitat this planet. It seems that most of them reside in New York City. They also seem to LOVE me, and gravitate my way--no matter how much I try to avoid them. First it was Crazy, then Douchbag McDouche, and now... I don't even know what to call him. I suppose SuperTard will suffice.

I met SuperTard when I lived with Crazy. He leased an office space in our building, and we struck up a friendship. When my lease ended at the Crazy apartment and Douchebag McDouche screwed me over, SuperTard convinced me to rent an apartment with him (separate rooms of course). Although I had already made plans to go to Aspen, I told him I would sign the lease so that I would have a place to stay upon my return. Although he tried to convince me not to leave, I left to work. I told him that he would enjoy having the apartment to himself for a while. And, I was stoked that I wouldn't have to deal with apartment hunting when I returned. Our agreement also had the following condition: we would not move in anyone (including future boyfriends or girlfriends).

The day after I signed the lease, I returned to Aspen. I've been in Aspen for five months, but return to New York in just ten days.

Tonight, I received a phone call from SuperTard. He wanted to let me know the following: he is now engaged to his new girlfriend (they met four months ago), she is expecting (two months along), and she had moved into our apartment. I can't even begin... (Sigh.)

Delivery!

Mon, 16 May 2011 16:35:07 +0100

A mere mortal, I am powerless to the influence of Oprah. After She challenged her audience to follow a vegan diet for one week, I accepted! 'What the heck, I'll give it a go,' I thought. Well, it worked! I felt healthier and more energetic at the end of the experiment. Although I have incorporated some non-vegan foods (like Greek yogurt and fish) into my diet, I would say that I am still about 80% vegan.

To complement my new, healthy lifestyle, I joined a hot yoga studio, where all of Aspen's devout yogis go to sweat and stretch. Although I've been doing yoga for years, the extreme heat nearly caused me to pass out, and I often had to leave the room for some fresh air. Nonetheless, I continued to go. After all, I did purchase the monthly, unlimited membership. I'm proud to say that after a about a week, the classes had gotten much easier, and I began to feel great!

This weekend, I was a very naughty vegan yogi! I indulged in cupcakes, deviled eggs, and even meat(!) at an Easter party. I planned on an early morning yoga class to get back on track. My alarm sounded and I cracked open my eyes to the sight of gray skies and snow! I was in no mood to get out of bed. So, I stayed in my pj's until noon.

Finally, I decided to get my lazy butt ready for an afternoon yoga class. I changed into my favorite yoga pants and red Nike tank-top when my belly started to grumble. Starved for a pre-workout snack, I looked in the fridge to find only limp celery and almond milk. I decided that an almond milk latte would suffice and shuffled over to my laptop to do a little web surfing before class. With each minute that passed as I waited for my computer to load, I grew increasingly frustrated . The longer I watched the little blue circle spin on my computer screen, my blood pressure increased until I could take it no more... CRAPPY WEATHER + EMPTY FRIDGE + ANNOYING SLOW COMPUTER = DELIVERY!

Instead of going to yoga, I ordered pasta primavera, chicken wings and a salad from Domino's. The pasta was DE-lish, but the wings were nasty--bones and fat! (The salad went in the fridge.) Hours later, the snow endured. Still unmotivated to brave the conditions for a two block walk to the yoga studio or three block walk to the grocery store, I ordered more delivery. This time, I got a thin-crust veggie pizza, chocolate lava cake, and another salad. The pizza was decent; the cake was a-mAzing! (The salad went in the fridge.)

Despite this huge overindulgence, I'm proud of myself! Why, you ask? Because I felt absolutely no guilt! That shit was good! (minus the wings) ...and I had plenty of healthy salad for the next day! Anyway, it doesn't look like Oprah stayed on the plan either. Nobody's perfect...but I'm close enough. ;)

Mud Season

Mon, 16 May 2011 05:13:26 +0100

It's mud season here in Aspen, which means the ski slopes are closed, town is dead, and melting snow is creating a muddy mess on the hiking trails! Practically a ghost town, Aspen is free of tourists and most retail stores and restaurants are closed for the next two months. While most residents leave town during this time, I am stuck here and will be as busy as ever. With a dance show approaching, I'm busy at the studio. It's actually a great time for me to focus on improving my dancing skills and to get my butt in shape before leaving next month for a summer dance intensive at New York University this summer.

Yesterday, I taught a ballet class and announced that I would be moving back to New York this summer to dance for five hours per day, four days per week as part of my graduate work at NYU. I was saying it to gain pity, yet one girl responded, "Can I trade lives with you?" After pondering the option for a second, I replied, "Nah. I'll keep my life, thank you!" She made me realize how lucky I've been to make a career of what I love. Although I'm far from being a billionaire, I've traveled the world as a dancer, choreographer, producer, and teacher. And soon, I'll be training with one of the top performing arts schools in the country. I also have a great group of friends awaiting my return. I love my NY crew and look forward to fun times with them while dancing in the most creative city in the World.

Now that I have a purpose for being in NYC (grad school), I feel much more justified in my extravagant expenses of living in The City. And with Crazy and Douchbag McDouche out of my life, I'm hoping for a drama-free return. Fingers crossed!

WANTED: Cameraman, no exp. nec., excellent compensation

Sun, 15 May 2011 06:18:23 +0100

My best girlfriend in Aspen recently returned from a two-month hiatus to film Season 7 of The Food Network Star. Though I was super stoked for her, I was pretty bored when she was gone. She's an amazing chef with the energy of The Tasmanian Devil, and I'm sure she's going to win and get her own cooking show on The Food Network! It's always cool to see people you know on TV! It seems everyone has been on some sort of reality show... everyone, that is, but me!

The first time I saw someone that I knew on reality television was years ago. I believe it was the first or second season of Top Chef. I was flipping through channels when I stopped on a network that I would normally never watch, when I spotted the familiar face of a bartender who I worked with at Club Med. She was a sassy-little-red-headed-lesbian who hooked-up with men when she got bored. She was much more plump than when I knew her, but she impressed the judges with her cooking skills and nearly won the whole darn show! She was runner-up but I still see her on the all-star episodes. I didn't even know she could cook but good for her!

A couple of years later, I was catching up on my favorite show, So You Think You Can Dance. I had missed the audition episodes, and just caught the end of the show that revealed the dancers who had made it through to the actual competition. When I first saw a girl who resembled a dancer I knew from time I spent at a hip-hop company in Boulder, I was curious. When her name was revealed and it was announced and that she was a b-girl from Colorado, I knew it really was her! She did really well on the show, and now dances back-up for major recording artists.

Another acquaintance of mine was cast as a dancer for Michael Jackson's This Is It tour, which became an insanely popular movie. Watching him on the big screen was pretty cool. He used to date one of my dancer friends. I remember when he was "discovered" as a teenager at a dance convention in Denver, and was signed to a major agency on the spot. His career has since exploded!

Keeping with the dance theme, I performed with a group that made it on the show America's Best Dance Crew. Unfortunately, they got eliminated on the first episode. Later that year, I ran into ABDC judge/former N'Syncer J.C. Chasez in Aspen. Nervously, I approached him and told him my old crew was on the show. When he asked me which crew, I completely froze and forgot the name. He grimaced at me and asked, "You don't remember the name of your crew???" He totally thought I was lying! I couldn't remember the name because I had danced with them at a different studio, but then they broke off and formed a new crew under a different name. I was so embarrassed!

I have another friend who was on The Real World Brooklyn, but now lives in Aspen. I met her through a mutual friend, when I ran into them at a coffee shop. She's super adorable, and occasionally does some dance and modeling jobs for my entertainment company. Such a cutie!

Another friend of mine is filming a medical reality show for BBC. I met this friend when I lived in Miami back in 2006. We've remained friends and I've visited him in Hawaii and London. My friend happens to be a very attractive medic who travels to impoverished regions to help people in need of medical care. He recently filmed in SE Asia, and may be shooting another season in Haiti. ...What a loser!

So now I'm sure you're all wondering when my reality show is coming out. Though I don't have one yet, I can only imagine what the concept would be. If anyone would like to follow me around with a camera, I can offer alcohol and a gratuitous booby flash every now and then. Any takers? I expect the offers to come pouring in! LOL!

VIP

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 02:25:21 +0100

Back in December, I decided to visit Aspen for the holidays. Four months later, I'm still here. Though I make occasional trips to NYC, the doormen at my building rarely remember me.

Though I miss The City, I can't complain about my time in Aspen. I'm working, yet have plenty of time to ski, snowboard, dance, practice yoga and spend time with friends. I've met tons of great people-- both locals and tourists. I've been hottubbing with super buff rugby players, did tequila shots with 'Mexico's most eligible bachelors', and played tour guide for famous dancers.

The dancers were in town from LA for a convention at my studio, and I was more than happy to take them out for a night on the town after a long day of classes and competition. (My choreography won, by the away!) Anyway, after hours of dancing in my cute gray pumps, my feet were beginning to ache. And I grew tired of the groupies and cougars trying to claw their way to the guys in my group. So, I finagled my way up to the VIP section of the trendy Aspen nightclub, where I schmoozed with some hot New York tourists. They offered me a Grey Goose cocktail and I made myself comfortable. I slipped off my shoes and spent the rest of the night dancing barefoot on the leather benches in VIP before finally leaving with my dancer friends.

"Where were you?" they asked.
"Dancing in VIP," I replied.
"Ohhhh! VIP! Excuuuuse moi!" they teased. I tried to explain that I was merely trying to rest my feet, but they were relentless with their taunts.
The following morning, I walked into the dance studio where they announced, "VIP is in the building!!!"
For the rest of the weekend, I was known as 'VIP'.

A cool nickname is not all I got that weekend; I also got a phone number from one of the cute VIP guys! I made plans to meet up with Mr. VIP in New York. Brit and I met him and his brother at a hip happy hour lounge, where we spent hours laughing and chatting. Although Mr. VIP and I hit it off, he broke his knee cap a few days later, and canceled what was to be our first date. Just my luck!